Friday, June 14, 2013

Diary oh diary 14-6-2013

Dear diary, today she told me not to disturb her anymore. I never imagined that one day I'll hear this from the girl I love so much. It hurts deeply. She's right, I've been a pest for her and the people around. I did what I want and never thought of others. After doing some thinking, haven't I improved? Haven't I learnt to treat her better?  And in the middle of the conversation, I heard her cried. That hurts me even more. I must let her go, let her be free to live her life. I know my love towards her will not die. But I need to keep the agony to me and myself only.

She said that I didn't handle this maturely. Yes, I didn't and I didn't reacted this way for when the world fell upon me. When I had troubles I learn to took some breather and think clearer. I guess losing her has much more impact than everything else. What's over is over, stop the crying, stop pushing around. I need to get a grip of myself. For the coming year, I'll focus on building my career, my financial and also my body.

Her words were harsh...but that didn't change the way I feel towards her. The present, I'll still complete it. And hopefully one day, I'll have the perfect chance to give it to her myself. For now, let's take a break and focus onto something else.

Diary oh diary, seems like you're the only one I can talk to about her. One year from now, if she ever reads about this, how would she feel? One year from now, what type of person will I be? I guess time will tell. My ego and price has given me a bad name, people around me talks. I need to learn to shut up. I need to learn to do nothing. Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing we can do.  I don't remember anyone ever telling me about the way I am. I always thought that toastmasters is a place where humans will help humans to improve. I guess the true nature of human never change. They'll talk at your back and never have the balls to face you in front. I was right not to take up any roles for the near future. They want me to be in the team so that i can accelerate their excel, but they never really help me skin deep. For now, I need to stop running, learn to pick myself up and walking again. She's on the way to Korea, oh I miss her badly now.

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