Saturday, June 15, 2013

Diary oh diary 15-6-2013

I didn't sleep well last night. Woke up 2 times meaning I had 3 dreams. And she appeared in all 3 dreams. My mind is a bastard, missing her occurs non-stop after losing her. And today I went shopping, alone. Finally I get to know how she feels when shopping, it's a joy to see myself in different clothing. I bought myself some new wardrobe to have a fresh look and I hope my hair treatment at Origin will be effective, then it's time to change my outlook all together. It's crazy that I automatically walked into her favorite shoe shop and started browsing around. Got my eye onto a pair that looks nice on her. I wonder if she'll look at the same pair when she's there. I visited Watsons for no reason and kept an eye on the cleanser and make up remover she uses. I think I'm going out of my mind. If you see a lone guy shopping in the woman section, yeah that me. It feels real pathetic that now, I can only imagine how she looks like in the clothes and never get to see it myself.

I need to seriously beef up. My chest grew slightly but my belly is there, though smaller. It's not good enough, I need to at least get a faint 6 packs.To show her that I'm serious in changing myself, it has to begin with outlook. Character and mentality is difficult but I'll change it as well. Only change will show her that I'm sincere. The workout is tough, shutting up is tough but I'll go the distance.

Become coming home, there was a party at a friend's place. This is also his last night in Penang and  will be moving to KL to work soon. In the crowds of many people, I tried to blend in as usual. But this time round, I listened more than speak. I tried to mask the sorrow I have inside cause after all, it's my own problem. Not them, not hers but my own. Kam Lung asked where she is. I just simply answered that she's in Korea. Nothing more. Missing her has not ceased a single bit but I've learnt to control my emotions. I think I've grown a bit.

When I have her in my arms again, I'll devote myself to her. Nothing else. She'll be in a hug of a more sincere caring man. A humble man.

Diary oh diary, I cannot sleep now and I'm missing her badly. I wonder if she's feeling the same...

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