Sunday, June 16, 2013

Diary oh diary 16-6-2013

As I foolishly checked my phone over and over again, there's no message from her. She used to send me messages when she's on broad to other countries whenever she can. I doubt there's no wifi access in Korea but she's avoiding me totally. She's needed time, and that's what I'm going to give her now. Rushing things will not solve anything right now. Let time wash away her anger and dissatisfaction.

It's father's day, my family had a nice dinner at Tip Top western food. On the way home, my father said that the house Clovers is too far away for them and they'd prefer somewhere nearer to where they work. He's also worried that my brother is not able to afford the house together with me. Truth is, I wanted the whole family to stay together. After hearing her that it'll be inconvenient to stay together, I've talked to them so that we can still live together but rest in different homes. I should be able to afford the house alone without my brother. I still want her to be the owner of our home and we'll build a loving family there. That is if she accepts me back. If the worst comes, I'll sell the house for investment return. At least for now it'll be painful for me to stay in that house given the earlier intention was to have a home together there. The timing for having this house was all messed up. And I did not communicated properly with her prior to buying this house so learnt this lesson I have.

Being at home doesn't mean I'm lazy. I still remember the needs to build my body so push up I did. Total done was 21 before my muscle gave into total failure. To think that I was able to complete 2 sets of 50 push ups was incredible. Nevertheless I managed to complete 40 mini sit ups. My belly has definitely gotten small because no matter how much I eat, it's not as obvious and big as 2 weeks ago. My chest is currently at 34 inches. Still too small. I think I have a lot to catch up.

This body building quest is for health no doubt about that, but it's also an act of determination on how serious I'm willing to change myself, for her. After so long, I have failed to get her out of my head, but I have successfully refrain myself from disturbing her. That's what she wants.

Dear diary, I hope my determination will once again melt her heart. I have my target in life and I think I can sleep well tonight. Good night.


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