Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Diary oh diary 19-6-2013

My ego is such was such a huge wall that had shielded my sight from my shortcoming. I had many problems. My attitude, my body size, my hair, my sense of fashion, my health and my consciousness was all messed up. I hope I realized this sooner but I didn't. Instead I choose to brave that I'm superior. It's time to stop all this madness. Too much glory had I received in a short amount of time rendering my senses numb over all that matters. All that matters to me now is her. 

I am now humble enough to see the impurity of myself and began taking steps to correct every single one of them. First thing I've done was to gain weight. So far I'm 2kg heavier and my target is 65kg. Another 9kg to go. I have gone through several hair treatment sessions that had yet to show any result. In the past I would take my hair loss as a joke, I knew that's a problem but had not taken any actions to rectify. I hope it'll work out with time. Tomorrow ill be going for medical check up for my sweaty pals and palpitation. If it's hyperthyroidism, there's hope for everything that's wrong with me. It'll also be the reason of my short temper and intolerance towards any delays. This is the exact character that made people dislike me. This will also be the reason for me emotional and eccentric behavior. Soothing that I have failed to gain control over. 

I regretted that its until now that I'm able to see all this. I feel the change within me. Only 1 thing remains, that's my feeling towards her. I'm changing for myself and also for her. I want her to see a better me. I had many times asked, if I were to be different, will we have another shot? She remained silence and I shall take that as a positive sign. I shall have plans. I shall set sail towards a brighter us. I want her to know, I have put in much efforts to honor my words. 

I still missed her badly. She's the reason I push the dumb bell for 1 last time when strength failed. 

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