Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Diary oh diary 26-6-2013

I'm blessed with many opportunities in life, whether its with work or toastmasters, people tend to trust me with responsibilities and tasks that were suited for my abilities and made sure that I shine. For the past 12 months, I have been loaded with heavy burdens. To name a few:

Area governor

Convention marketing and registration

Club sponsor

Club coach

Club mentor 

Company dinner organizer cum emcee

Important customer accounts

And all those happened in the period of 12 months, well, another 4 days till 12 months to be exact. All these opportunities were presented to me in a silver plate so that I can do them well and I made sure I did. Achieving the results surely beef up my résumé and the experiencing of attempting everyone of them were overwhelmingly rich. I did not regret shouldering them at all. Tonight is my toastmaster club last meeting of the term. It marks the end of everything and I'm about to step back to smell the roses. One of e speaker mentioned in his speech "stop surviving and start living, be aware of the matter that matters to you most". 

My world paused at his words and I was not listening to the rest of his speech. For a moment I thought that I'm doing well and had finally let go, I didn't. The statement made me reiterate that what's matter most to me, is her. I had put my personal achievements to priority and set what's most important to me aside. I had planned a date for all the hectic schedule to stop before committing to what's crucial in my life. But before the race begun, she dropped out. Everything was too late. It appears that I'm wrong. All the money that I've earned, all the medals, all the glory and all the spotlights on the stage means nothing without her cheering by my side. I ask myself now, does all those really matter?

What's the meaning of moving on without knowing where I am are going. Should I keep walking or stop to ponder on my own reflection on the puddle. Who I have become? Which of the two road in front of me will eventually bring me to her? I no longer feel sad. I feel emptiness. I feel a part of myself missing. 

Dear diary, from the occasions of meeting with her, she did not return me the ring. Should I take it as a good sign and continue hoping?

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