Friday, June 7, 2013

Diary oh diary 7-6-2013

Diary oh diary. I don't have a habit of telling you anything, and tonight seems to be the first night I've met you. Hi there, nice to meet you. I have much to tell you, where shall I start?

I read somewhere says that it'll feel better if we talk to someone when we're down. Then I realized that I have no one else to talk to. Not exactly no one are willing to listen but I simply am not ready to pour myself over to the others. After all, it's my problem.

Truth is this is the second night I've lost her. It's my fault. I have taken too much on my plate to have any space for her. I have achieved so much in everything else but not in our love. I gained so much but still had so much to lose. It's time for me to put everything down but was already too late. The effect of the past is always irreversible. First lesson learnt, I need to do what's right now but not build another hole to stuff in the future. 

The pain is excruciating. There's not a moment that's past I did not think about her. It's ironic we only learn to treasure those we've lost. And from this experience I get to know the other side of myself...that I too, can break down and cry. For only 2 nights ago, I've lost her, my sanity for a brief moment and the control over myself.  

And surprising enough, even though suffering from so much agony, the heart continues to beat. The only comforting thing is she still replies my messages. Extremely short replies from the massive arrays that I have sent but at least....I know she's okay. Before writing to you, I bid her good night. Just to push my luck for another time of her name appearing on my mobile...hahahah...who am I to fooled? Have I really slept well these few night? Will I be able to tonight? .... 

Seems like it's going to be another long night ahead. I wonder is this how she feels like when I was not there for her? 

p/s: there's not return on the good night bidding. :(

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