Thursday, August 15, 2013

Diary Oh Diary 15-8-2013

We met yesterday at our club toastmasters meeting. As I parked my car at the usual place, hers was just several vehicle away. Today she arrived early, probably because she's host that night. I searched through several eateries lining up the front shops but saw no signed of her, so I rushed into our meeting center but the room was locked, obviously she had to be somewhere having her dinner. When I returned to the  very last shop, there she was. At a corner I missed. She wasn't alone. There was a colleague who's also known to me. I walked over trying to strike a conversation with them.....she didn't even lift her face. It was as if I wasn't there. At the point of time, I felt a pin-piercing pain through my heart. She just wanted me not to be there. Why? Why it had to be that way? 

I tried searching for my inner strength but there just wasn't any. I had to leave and take my dinner else where. I wanted so much to go home and hide myself but I didn't. Because I had promised her that I'll take up one of her evaluator role. I didn't want to break that promise. After all, the pain is all mine. I passed through the night pretending as if nothing happened, as if I have already moved on, as if I was enjoying the meeting but there truth is I wasn't. I can cheat the whole world but not myself. Have I not changed? Didn't I tried to treat her better? All those things that happened in these 3 month, did it carried so much weight and damage that it destroyed the 5 years that we had together? 

And the most important question to myself is, if indeed she's moved on. If this relationship has already ended and it doesn't matter anymore, why did she had to do that? We don't do that to our friends. 

No comments: