Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Diary Oh Diary 20-8-2013

I'm sick of being labeled as small and skinny. Everytime when a conversation about body weight strikes, I'm always being referred as the extreme end of having weightless. Do they know what this feels like? They have no idea. I'll push every bit of my last strength, force myself to eat as much as I can to be bigger, fitter and massive. After 2 months of hard work, my body weight finally touch 60kg for the first time of my life. I was to discard the old How Jun. Having this new weight is exciting, and I wanted to share with her the most. But she was no where to be contacted...."the number that you've dialed is currently unavailable....". She might have blocked me. 

I know she's blocked my Skype, MSN and whatsapp. Is that necessary? Did my presence bothers her that much? If seeing my name doesn't burn her heart as much as mine, why would she do that. At least this concept consoles me a little. But it might not be true. I guess I'm too naive. 

Dear diary, I'm doing this because I want to show her that I'm sincere in changing myself. Only physically but my behavior and mental. But the obvious is physical, so I'll work hard on that. I'm willing to go through whatever pain and hardship along the way to prove this. This is no longer blank words from my mouth. 

You know what, she didn't pick up because I called the other number that she off after office hour.....I'm thinking too much...in fact....I'm missing her very very much, it's killing me. 

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