Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Diary Oh Diary 28-8-2013

It's been too much ME already. I have started to think for her. I have started to feel how she felt for sometime. I have started wanting to protect her more. For example, there are some friend says that she's getting dangerously close to another person. I chose not to believe. I decided to believe in her.

I left the program that I have come to love so that she won't see me and feel sad. I know what it's like because I'm feeling the same thing she's feeling now. Who'd celebrate in joy after breaking up with their love one? I told them many times that I want to stop doing things, I want to stop being in the highlight. They just simple wouldn't listen and came back asking for more. I need to stop toastmasters for awhile. I'm sorry dear friends....I needed time to find myself. I have some problem here.

I started to think like she does....I started seeing opportunities in KL and I went for it. After all, KL and Penang is only 4 hours away. Facing new challenges, new environment and new people no doubt is scary but it's necessary for me to toughen up. I want her to know that I have grown to think like a man, I'm learning to care for others more. Even though we're not together anymore, I still want her to be able to feel proud for different me, that we were once together. I want her to know, she's made me a better person.

Having decided to move down to HQ, I was struck with a lot of uncertainties. What about home? What about career? Will I be able to survive? There's so much to pick up for work, so many roads I don't know, it's so scary. She kept on telling me she had no time and too much to learn at work, finally I understand how it feels like. At times like this, she needed someone beside her that can support her. Someone who can listen to her....I have failed to become that someone. I guess it's too late now. Why do I learn this a step too late? I'm such an idiot.

She's in the toastmasters meeting now. It's raining heavily outside. Is her back hurting nowadays? Her windscreen's been blurry during rainy days, I think I should help her apply some windscreen wax. If she refuse my help, I'll buy her a bottle of rainX. Just incase anyways. I have only 4 more months here. Time is running out....

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